Father.

I realised that my feet were shaking more than they were, 5 minutes ago. I clutched them tightly but my sweaty hands slipped off my pants. "How can I be so nervous?" I questioned myself again just like I did, 9 months ago. I looked around and noticed the white walls with posters of smiling babies on them, empty steel benches and my family consoling me every five minutes. And I also noticed the silence. Silence that peeked through the glass doors and through all the huge floors. I could resonate with that silence. Although there was a huge storm in my heart, I could feel its beauty. As if, it was whispering to me, "This is the most beautiful day of your life. So, just breathe." 

And as I did, I realised that from today onwards, a tiny part of me is going to breathe in the same way. A part that we are going to raise in this world. A part that we will live and die for. A part that we already love more than ourselves. "How would it feel to become a father?" I wondered. "Those tiny little hands made up of the softest skin, those almond eyes yet to discover vision, those small feet bouncing up and down, the sweetest cry that would make realise my responsibilities everytime and a smile that would become the most beautiful thing for me. 

And soon, the baby would sing my name. What would it call me? How would that sound be? Will it love me? Will I be a good father? Will I be able to do enough? I won't let anything hurt my child. I will protect it till the end, no matter what." All these thoughts kept rushing in my mind and they were terrifying. I looked at Baba. He was standing quietly with both his hands crossed backwards. I went towards him and said, "Baba, I don't feel if I can make a good father. I am not strong enough, may be." He did not change his expression even an inch but calmly said, "Vijay, I still remember the day we brought you home from the orphanage. Adopting you was not happily accepted by everyone at that time but me and your mother were the happiest people that day. But I always kept wondering if I was even ready to be a father and what if I don't turn out to be a good one. And when I took you in my arms and felt your touch, I clearly knew that you were the one thing we always craved for. And since that moment, the meaning of love changed for me. Because since then, it always began with you. You know, being a father is the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. Its magical, trust me." 

After an hour, I was called inside the delivery room and at that moment, my life changed forever. I saw a miracle taking place. I held my wife's hand while watching the immense pain that she was going through. And I realised how powerful women are. I was consoling her but I was scared like never before. It was frightening. I could not understand if all of that was worth enough the pain that she was experiencing, it it was my fault to put her through it, if I was hurting both of them. I felt weak, I felt numb. 

And then finally.....

A loud cry echoed in the entire room and filled it with a dazzling joy. A sound that made my heart sink and my eyes soak in tears.A sound that took away all my fears. I simply wanted to keep hearing it. A feeling of extreme happiness danced in every heavy breath that I took. I went closer and saw a tiny human screaming heavily. "Its..my child, my..my..child." I said as I realised that it was all worth.

As I stepped outside, my family jumped with laughter but baba was still quiet. 

Within sometime, they came out with my baby wrapped in a towel and handed it to me. I looked at it. It was so beautiful. I could feel its calm breaths, its touch and its warmth. It had its tiny chin, delicate eyelids and pink cheeks that looked just like its mother. It was a feeling I cannot describe till this day. But I remember, I looked at baba. He was now smiling with all his heart. And I too, smiled back. Because at that very moment, I had become a father.