Being alive and beyond.

 While wondering about the meaning of being alive and questioning everything around you,

      you are also making your bed every morning, breathing, going to work, putting in an extra roti and your friend’s favorite sabzi in the tiffin, wishing everyone a good morning with a gentle smile, drinking water, and reminding others to do the same, asking “are you okay?”, noticing their new pair of earrings, asking questions in class with a huge amount of courage, breathing, picking someone’s pen and handing it back to them, offering water to your teacher when she has trouble speaking because of cold, complimenting someone by “Oh! You look so beautiful”, finding peace in your children’s smile, having lunch with friends just because it makes you happy, having intense but healthy conversations,

breathing, sharing your painful stories and not judging them while they share theirs, giving a flower, smiling at sunsets, walking on roads, looking at the sky and getting amazed by its magnificence, clicking pictures of one another, sharing them and saying “I love your smile in this one”, breathing, giving a fruit to a roadside beggar, having chai with a friend who loves it as much as you do, holding on to people you care about, lending money to a friend, telling your parents about your day without telling them how much you miss them, taking firm decisions, visiting a doctor for a friend, saying painful goodbyes and accepting change, 

breathing, giving gentle hugs, moving on from a heartbreak, helping your friend to drape a saree, visiting the temple, sitting in a café alone, remembering their birthdays and taking efforts to make it special, wailing like a child late at night and getting up strongly the next morning, letting your brother know that he is doing great, breathing, asking someone, “hey, do you want me to drop you somewhere?”, expressing your love for someone, calling your best friend every day, reaching out, reading a book, taking a stand for yourself, looking in the mirror and feeling good about yourself, calling your grandparents to check up on their health, 

breathing, wearing your mom’s earrings, getting your favorite haircut, leaving toxic people behind, listening to a song just because your friend recommended it, writing stories, talking to strangers, calling your female friend just to wish her a “happy women’s day!”, thinking about novels and its characters, breathing, appreciating your sister for everything she is, allowing each other to remain silent, making your dad feel proud of you, laughing with friends till your stomach aches, dancing with them like crazy, watching the empty streets, falling in love with the moon, committing mistakes and never repeating them, 

 breathing, screaming your pains, forgiving some and ‘not’ forgiving some, surviving in an unknown city all by yourself, making coffee for your friends, making a surprise visit at home, letting your school teacher know about your success, celebrating festivals with families, getting back together with a friend after a long fight, breathing, loving something and unloving something, cooking your child’s favorite food, taking immense care of your sick friend, sending a picture to someone that says, “this reminded me of you.”, letting someone go for your own peace, watching the sunrise, talking about your dreams, leaving tiny notes for your friend and sticking them on your cupboard, 

breathing, giving a peck on your mother’s forehead, making mental health the biggest priority, appreciating your friend’s success, fighting with loved ones, apologizing, watching an old Hindi film with your dad, planning your friend’s wedding, petting a dog, breathing, speaking up against harassment, caressing a flower, pushing and motivating your friend to write, talking about uncomfortable topics with your family, being able to share biggest fears with them, accepting someone as they are, folding your roommates’ clothes, understanding the pain that your female friends go through while menstruating, 

breathing, offering your seat to someone else, praying for the well-being of your loved ones, respecting someone’s choice, appreciating every small effort that people take to make your birthday special, encouraging other artists, finding beauty in poems, being honest with someone you love, traveling, showing empathy towards someone suffering mentally, breathing, reading legends and epics, jumping with joy for your friend’s success, crying for your friend, working hard to give your children a secured life, making someone laugh, failing but never quitting, standing up for your friend, making memories and preserving them forever, 

breathing, fearing something endlessly and yet facing it bravely, helping someone survive the hard days, randomly calling your friend for no reason, texting your family members to let them know that you love them, listening when your friend wants to let out something, trying to be better every day, counting your blessings, believing in friends, breathing, going on solo-dates and loving yourself a little more every day.

So let me tell you that you are still here and doing great. And that matters the most.

 

 

 

Urja

“Okay now, I am hanging up. You take care, okay? I love you, okay? Okay?” said Urja while slowly moving towards hanging up the call, just like every day. But she again picked it up to check if there was any answer from the other side. But as always, there was none. Sighing with grief, she scratched another day on her calendar. 

“Day- 1,096th, month-37th, year-4th.” Urja reminded herself with despair. Suddenly, she turned around to look at the photograph hung on her wall and within no time, found herself wailing like a child. Her tears felt warm but painful. She felt stuck as if locked inside a dark room without any escape. She looked again at the photograph with her teary eyes and screamed, “I need you, Mumma!” 

It’s been three years since Urja had heard her mother’s voice. Her soulful, melting, delightful voice. Urja’s mother had been bedridden since she had a severe heart attack. Even after numerous treatments, medications, prayers, religious vows, spiritual healing techniques, and sleepless nights that Urja spent beside her mother, she had to face the harsh reality that her mother would never be able to make any bodily movements. She would be just a living sculpture carved with her aging marvels: each hair turning white and grim, skin getting more frilled and languid, her eyes growing weak and barren and her body becoming still and calm, at every moment. 

Since then, Urja had longed to see her mother the way she was. The soft smile that made her look more beautiful, her innocent giggles while cracking jokes, her glowing tears when she watched a movie, her loving touch when she caressed Urja’s hair to reduce her stress, her stubbornness bloomed out of genuine care when she never allowed Urja to leave the house without having some food, her incredible beauty when she brushed her hair looking in the mirror every morning, her classic elegance that streamed out of her own choices, her authenticity, her fears, her delicate and sweet fragrance, her fierceness and everything that her mother was made up of. Urja was eagerly waiting for all of this. She was eagerly waiting for her mother. 

After gathering herself up, she stood in front of the photograph. She saw her mother looking at her with extreme love while Urja, being a child, had held her mother’s hand tightly. She vividly remembered the moment when that picture was clicked. It was 20 years ago on her 10th birthday. She remembered being cranky for clicking pictures because she wanted to open her birthday presents first. Just then, she was put in her mother’s lap and saw her blinking softly. Suddenly, Urja smiled at the camera. And why not? After all, she was extremely fond of her mother since childhood. Her mother was her favorite. She was her faith and her only power.

And today, as Urja could see her grown reflection in the framed photograph, she could also see her mother’s unbelievable charm. She could feel that her heart was still pumping with hope, at every moment. She could feel the warmth of care that her mother still had for her. The beauty that still resided in every cell of her body. And somehow, she was filled with a miraculous energy. It was unmatchable. It was so much greater than the grief that she had been carrying. It was a pure form of love. Nearly, a magical love. And with this innate belief to see her mother get cured someday, she wiped her tears and smiled. 

That day, Urja got ready for work with extreme joy, after a long time. After all, her eternal faith had got a new face with a delightful gleam. “I am going to see my mother smile.” She affirmed herself with strength. As Urja rushed to work, she forgot to put on her helmet while driving the bike. And her misfortune also came across, on the same day. She met with a serious accident and was admitted to the hospital. Her condition became critical in no time. The doctors had to announce that her chances to survive were less. Her family members immediately rushed to the hospital and constantly clung to her side. The operation and treatment took place immediately but Urja showed no signs of recovery. She was placed on a ventilator and doctors constantly said, “Let’s wait.” Days passed by and yet her condition was not restored. 

But on the day, her mother was brought to the hospital, Urja regained consciousness. Her family members jumped with joy and celebrated her slight improvement with applause. “See? Her mother is the only cure. After all, she gives her the ‘urja’ (energy) to survive.” They said while brimming with happiness. 

The hails echoed in Urja’s ears while her vision captured blur images of people hugging one another. When she finally had a sense of being alive, her eyes searched for only one person. And when she saw her mother sitting still beside her, staring blankly at the wall, tears rushed down her cheeks and touched the scars and stitches on her face. She started breathing heavily and her wounds caused excruciating pain. Her body ached severely and her brain felt immensely burdened. She could not tolerate the suffering any longer. She kept looking at her mother and whispered in a broken voice, “Mumma, I..I..wa..I want to go, Mumma!” 

Just then, Urja saw that her mother’s eyes made a slight movement. She saw her mother blinking, softly. And at that moment, without any effort, Urja stopped breathing. She blew away all her pains and fears. Her body went cold and numb. She was free from every moment of sadness, every wrecked piece of her soul, and every stitched part of her own body. Her lips ceased to move. Her lifeless eyes were stuck on her mother, who was still staring blankly at the wall. Maybe their love had released her. Maybe, her soul was put in her mother’s lap and it smiled, just like in the photograph. Maybe, she was no more tolerating the grief or enslaved with hope. Maybe, her faith had been restored and her wait was finally over.